Who I am
by mkh2
Summary: So named for lack of a better title, looks inside Inu's various psyches.
1. Who I am – notes

Who I am notes

Who I am 

~

an Inuyasha fanfiction

by

mkh2

~

_~Who I am~_

A love story in three parts:

The hanyou

The youkai

The ningen

~

Disclaimer: This will go for the entire fic: I have not, nor probably ever will, own Inuyasha. I am simply borrowing the characters, for lack of a better term, and will give them back when I am done with them.

~

I know I'm supposed to be working on "Hey! What's with the growling?" and "Vegeta ½", and adding pieces to my "Inuyasha and the Drive Thru of Doom", but this popped in my head and I just had to write it out. I wrote the first chapter on paper as soon as I sat down last night from 12:32 a.m. - 1:32 a.m., which was just after Inuyasha ended. For lack of a better name, I have called this fic "Who I am."

~

Terms used for chapter parts:

Hanyou – in Inuyasha's world, it generally refers to children born of the union of a human and a youkai. See _youkai_ for more explanation.

Ningen – the Japanese term for human.

Youkai – demon, though not necessarily in the Christian sense – the ones most similar to the Christian term would include all spirit possessions and the occasional vengeful spirit, such as the spirit of the bear youkai that Sango and other Taijiya had killed in one episode and was not properly put to rest.

~

Other terms generally used/probably will be used:

Goshinboku – the sacred "God Tree" that Inuyasha was pinned to for fifty years by Kikyo

Kaze no Kizu – Cutting Wind, or as in dub version, the Wind Scar

Kitsune – literally fox, but it also used for a short version of _kitsune youkai_ – fox demon

Ofuda – often used successfully by Miroku in banishing, weakening, or freezing spirits, they are less successful when used Kagome's grandfather on Inuyasha

Oswurai – the Japanese word for 'sit', addressed solely to dogs and as more as a means to tell them to calm down; it is never used when asking a person to sit down or take a seat

Shakujo – Miroku's holy staff, typical of Buddhist priests

Shikon no Tama – the Jewel of Four Souls, as described in the manga; other meanings include the Jewel of Death

Shikon no kakera – fragments of the Jewel of Four Souls

Tetsusaiga – the sword forged from his father's fang that Inuyasha uses.


	2. Who I am – hanyou

Who I am 

~

an Inuyasha fanfiction

by

mkh2

~

_~Who I am~_

A love story in three parts:

The hanyou

The youkai

The ningen

~

Part 1: The hanyou

~

It had been a while since it was just the two of them, just he and Kagome, Inuyasha reflected as he settled back against the tree. It was comfortable feeling, one that he missed from the early days of searching for the Shikon no kakera. Just him and Kagome and their wits against the world. Not that he had anything against the others, Sango, Miroku, Kirara – he even had a soft spot for Shippou and had to (begrudgingly) admit that even ol' Myouga helped pull them out of a scrape or two.

The scent of ramen floated up to his nose and he licked his lips in anticipation. This was another thing he missed – their mealtimes together. Before, they would set down wherever they pleased, light up the cook stove and within minutes be eating a delicious cup of noodles or two. Before, once they finished eating, if Kagome was still tired he'd just carry her on his back, which came with an added bonus of getting to be extra close to her – not that he'd admit that he liked it. He'd sooner break the Tetsusaiga than fess up.

"Ramen's ready," Kagome's voice called up, a gentle lilt to her voice he rarely heard anymore. At first she had a tone that he decidedly called her "make nice" tone, when first trying to get him to be friendly to her. It was very similar to the one she'd use on Shippou and himself – a warning that if they continued messing around too much privileges would be revoked and 'Oswurais' doled out. The tone that soon followed, this one, was only heard when they were alone. It had followed the "make nice" tone quickly, almost completely replacing it, and he'd never admit that this tone made him melt like ice cream on a hot day – one of his new favorite treats from the future where Kagome lived.

Leaping from the tree, he landed lightly on his feet before shuffling over to the fallen log where Kagome made her roost and sat next to her comfortably close, accepting the offered noodles in silence. Quietly they both ate, slurping up the cooling broth and noodles before quickly collecting the trash and sticking it into a bag for Kagome to dispose of in her time.

Inuyasha stood up and stretched before ambling over to the thick base of the tree he sat in earlier and leaning against its trunk. It was late; night would fall momentarily, enshrouding them in a dark veil until morning broke. He watched as Kagome set out her sleeping bag before brushing her teeth quickly and crawling in. He licked his lips, the taste of ramen still on them and recalled the first time he tried toothpaste on the futuristic girl's suggestion. Unfortunately, it was mint, and far too strong for his delicate senses to handle. Even when she tried to suggest a milder bubblegum flavor, and even after being pacified with ten extra cups of ramen, he was still wary of toothpaste.

He wrinkled his nose. He preferred to think of the first time he tasted ramen. It was the day before they ran into that Nobunaga fellow – nice guy but not all quite together. The day before they met him, just two days after the encounter with his brother. Inuyasha nodded his head. Kagome had stormed home in a fit after he had 'insulted her' and she sat him. He didn't see what the big deal was – he already had told her to let her protect him – why did he have to promise it as well? At any rate, she soon came back with a fully stocked backpack… and delicious scents were emanating from it. Inuyasha squirmed. It smelled… so good.

Inuyasha had never been a very trusting person. He had good reason to act that way too. Shunned by both his human and youkai peers, feared and hated and despised, he was constantly on the move, doing all within his power to just stay alive from day to day. So when, that evening, after half a day's worth of travel, they set up camp, it was only natural he was hesitant to eat her strange foreign food. He refused it and leapt into the nearby tree on the pretense of guarding camp – he was really watching her to see whether or not she's get out a different cup to eat. Instead, after shrugging, she took the water she had set to boil, opened the cup she had offered to him, poured in half the water that was boiled and put the rest to the side to cool, and after that strange "egg timer" chirped… she ate it.

The next day her tried some of the noodles. He hoped the results with the Shikon no Tama would be only half so good.

~

It couldn't have been more than an hour after the sunset. Kagome had only just fallen into actual sleep and Inuyasha was feeling nice and relaxed when he felt his senses jump in a full-panicked alert. Kagome stirred and sat up tiredly, rubbing the new sleep out of her eyes.

"Youkai," he said.

"Shikon," she said.

In that moment after their breathless statements, the world seemed to explode. Bursting onto the scene was an eight-foot tall and equally wide pig-like youkai. It had many eyes, some big, some small, and two large, prominent tusks curling alongside its snout and five horns on its forehead, settled between its two flapping black ears. It was a deep crimson and mottled brown in color and had three long whip-like tails of black.

"It's a wild boar!" gasped Kagome.

"No, Myouga's a wild bore – _that's_ a wild _pig_,*" Inuyasha countered as he scooped up Kagome in his arms and jumping, deposited her in the tree he sat in earlier for safe keeping, and well out of the youkai's reach even if it reared.

"Where's the shard?" Inuyasha questioned as he drew the Tetsusaiga.

"Under his chin, near the neck," Kagome swallowed.

"Great," muttered Inuyasha, leaping down from the branch and swinging his favored sword in a wide arm to bring down in a crushing blow on the pig's head. Except, it didn't hit the pig's head. With a mighty squeal, the pig darted out of the way, leaving Inuyasha to come crashing down on the smothered fire and wet earth. He sat up in a huff, smacking the ash and dirt off himself, coughing and sputtering as he took in the horrific scent of the youkai.

"Yeah, you've probably never taken a bath since the day you were born. I bet you don't even step out in the rain for fear of getting wet," Inuyasha growled, trying valiantly to keep from passing out. Everything seemed to be swimming and the hand and sleeve held tightly to his nose didn't seem to help much.

With another great "squeee!" the boar spun and kicked at him, lashing out with his tails. Having held the Tetsusaiga loosely, for feeling faint, he and the sword went flying, Inuyasha slamming into the loose dirt face first, the Tetsusaiga sailing through the air.

"Waah!" Kagome reached out for the Tetsusaiga, her fingertips barely brushing the hilt as it soared and landed with a sound "thuck!" and sticking into a neighboring tree. Losing her balance, she slipped and nearly tumbled, but, scrambling, her legs wrapped around the tree branch and she found herself hanging upside down.

"Kagome!" Inuyasha leapt to his feet worriedly, and started to head to her, tripping over himself. He felt sick to his stomach from the pig's stench, his eyes were out of focus except on the slight girl hanging precariously from the limb.

Kagome''s eyes widened in fright as her gaze shifted from the scuffed countenance of her… dearest friend… to that of the hulking beast behind him. Apparently it didn't like being ignored. A split second after having whipped Inuyasha it had rounded back to him, preparing itself to lash out at the downed hanyou with its front… not hooves, _claws_. Four terrifying claws on each of the front feet, with large hooves on its hind feet. Now it raised its right one, ready to bring it down on the unsuspecting hanyou.

"Inuyasha – look out!" screamed Kagome.

It was too late. Inuyasha stared in morbid fascination as his blood flew out in front of him, splattering Kagome's few possessions and the tree she sat in with the crimson liquid as the claws tore into his right shoulder. He staggered forward, his left hand clutching at the shredded flesh as blood thickly oozed forth, pulsing out in great waves with every thundering beat of his heart.

Then, all went black.

~End part 1 – The hanyou~

How was that? Okay? No? ::sheds tears:: Well, I'm planning on (hopefully) sticking out one chapter per day for three days of this story so I hope you enjoy it anyway. I'm working on my other fiction right now.

* I'm sorry, couldn't resist. The line is from "Robin Hood: Men in Tights." I just love those Mel Brooks movies. Everyone, watch "Space Balls"! 

10:49 p.m. – 11:49 p.m., 10/07/2003 – whaddya know, also an hour.


	3. Who I am – youkai

Who I am 

~

an Inuyasha fanfiction

by

mkh2

~

One note: raised the rating to PG because of one naughty word, though if you think about who is saying it and the context it's used in, you'll realize it isn't truly profane. I can count all the bad words I've ever said in my life on one hand, with fingers left over (in fact, the first truly bad word I ever said was due to a slip up when I said "shiftless shoulders" – have no idea what I was talking about, that's all I remember, and the others I said without thinking – answering questions, going straight to the original meaning, blah blah blah.) 

~

_~Who I am~_

A love story in three parts:

The hanyou

The youkai

The ningen

~

Part 2: The youkai

~

It's a strange thing, to live your whole life seeing everything thinly through a heavy mist and to suddenly awaken – be born, almost – to find everything painted red. It's a stranger thing yet when you, in the next moment, get shunted back into the grey-gold mist that you had been in before and fall back into that strange state of… slumber, is it? And sadly, those moments of living in that red world are lost to you forever.

Just now he woke up, as always with a horrid pain raking through his body. Why is it that he can never fully awaken when all is calm and peaceful and simply just be? He slowly pulled himself to his feet and looked behind him. A disgusting, drooling, smelly pig youkai stood behind him, squealing in victory, and then he recognized the blood – his blood – on the foul beast's claws.

A rage, as always, coursed through his veins. He never remembered afterwards the bloodlust he always experiences in this state, but he always enjoys it while he can. The world was painted a crimson hue once more as he flung himself, claws first, at the hulking piece of bacon. Then the pig was no more.

He heard words, a voice, call to him thickly, but he heard it in a haze, as if though he was submerged in water and he could only really feel the distortions of the water pulsing against his body. Turning, he sniffed the wind, curious as to where the sound came from.

Small pieces of debris – small branches, pieces of bark, half-ripped leaves – fell on him, littered his hair, entangling themselves in his silken strands, and so he looked up for the source of this slight. A person, a girl, a _human, was slipping her way precariously down the tree catching herself as often as she could on lower branches that jutted out. The slim creature called to him before, five feet above ground, she let herself drop in a tiny heap onto a large yellow… thing… a bag maybe._

"Inuyasha." Ah, he understood her now, at least enough to recognize his own name, and he crouched on the ground, trying to remember where he could have known her from to have her know his name. She crept along the ground to him, an inch, a foot, a bit closer, a bit closer, until she was roughly five feet from him. 

And then… the winds changed.

Her scent wafted over him, intermingled closely with his own. It was a pleasing scent, even hers alone was delightful, but the fact that her scent was practically melded with his own made it doubly so. Did she belong to him? Was she a possession – a slave, a servant, a play thing? Perhaps not – the way she acted so familiarly with him suggested something more intimate.

He crouched down for a moment before springing up to settle himself next to her side, only startling her a little. That was good – it showed that she was indeed familiar with him. Sleepily he placed his head on her shoulder, relaxing, and slowly lowered them both to the floor so that he could rest more comfortably. Comfortable – that was a word he was unfamiliar with, as every time that he was awake he always felt great pain. He never remembered the pain, and he never knew of comfort, but yet he felt he knew this girl and he vowed to remember her always.

He smirked. She was his, wasn't she? He would remember her always because she would be _with_ him always.

~

When he woke up again, the morning light playing on his face through the trees, he still remembered everything that had happened… maybe he hadn't fallen completely asleep. He looked at the girl… his woman… curiously. Yes, he decided that she was his woman, otherwise she wouldn't be so peacefully sleeping despite practically being jumped on. He sniffed her neck and gave it a soft lick, carefully nudging the neck of her strange kimono top open so he could see if he had already marked her.

He hadn't.

This struck him odd. Obviously she was his… there must be some reason for not having fully mating her… Was it an inopportune time? Have they mated at all? Perhaps they were still in the courting stages. It was plausible… being a human, it would probably take more time. He was a youkai, however, and hoped that she would soon give in to him… Maybe he should check if she had any other marks on her, see what her status was.

Strangely enough, when he checked her right wrist, there seemed to be a series of marks* that showed of the different offerings of protection. The very first one was his, he noted, and then there were… two kitsune, one of them a pup, and also one that smelled strongly of a wolf. He growled slightly at that… it seemed this wolf wanted to rut his bitch**. This trespass wouldn't be allowed. He licked tenderly at his mark and decided now would be a good time to wake her up – he was hungry and he was sure she'd be getting hungry too.

After a bit of nuzzling, the girl roused… she sleepily pushed him off her and rubbed her eyes. She began speaking softly, not quite looking at him, sort of staring off into space, but he didn't mind. He just enjoyed listening to the soothing tones of her voice and a special… lilt …that seemed to be directed at him. He settled one of his legs lazily over her and gave her cheek a tender lick of affection.

She stiffened.

"Inuyasha?" her voice quivered and hung in the air, the four simple notes almost deafening in the relative silence.

He did not understand this. She seemed perfectly relaxed about him earlier and he sensed no danger, so why was she suddenly so tense. He decided she needed to be reassured.

Moving closer, he started to lick her neck and ear, making small placating sounds to let her know everything was alright. After some moments she relaxed and even made a strange happy sound – '_a giggle_' some part of him whispered – and one of her hands rose to stroke his ear. Feeling good, Inuyasha settled fully on her lap and started taking longer strokes as he sniffed at her eagerly. She started to stiffen at this, but he brushed it off as he moved to lick the back of her neck and gently nipped at the bone that stuck out slightly. He was pleased with himself when he noticed the change in her scent.

Two small hands pushed at his chest and he reluctantly obliged. He couldn't understand this reaction either. Obviously she enjoyed receiving his affections so why would she…

He bent down at sniffed at the juncture of her legs. Oh, she's a virgin. She must be nervous. He heard her gave an indignant squawk at his movement and was only a little surprised to suddenly find that her legs had disappeared from under him.

Snuffling slightly, he was in moments by her side, arms wrapped around her. He nuzzled her cheek softly, reassuring her that he won't mate with her until she's ready. He lightly nibbled on her ear then remembered that he was hungry. Pulling himself away from her, he then turned and ran off, eager to hunt.

Bloodlust is a funny thing. You have this powerful thirst for blood, to have blood running down your claws, your hands, over your head, onto your lips and down your throat. Sometimes it is easily sated, other times, not so easily. Now he felt no bloodlust, only hunger, and the hunt and the blood – it was just a bonus to fulfilling his need to eat. Right now, he had his sights set on a deer, young and strong though small. This would good enough for both he and his intended.

Pouncing on the deer, he quickly ripped open its neck and let it fall to the ground, instantly dead. It was the most merciful way to kill. He quickly ate a portion for himself before cutting off a good deal of the flesh and filling it with choice meat that would be good for his mate. He ran further away from the clearing and stopped at a stream to clean his hands of the blood so as not to attract other predators as they ate. He splashed in the water, enjoying himself for a bit, before shaking himself off on the bank and heading back.

As he drew near, the parcel of meat securely held to his chest, a different scent, almost as enticing as his future mate's, filled his nose. It floated just over the scent of… smoke? He peered through the bushes and saw that his mate had made a fire – a good thing, because she was still a fragile human and would probably get cold. He gave a soft, pleased rumbling as he watched her, hunched next to the fire, poking rhythmically at it with a stick for he realized the scent was coming from somewhere near her… perhaps more food? Eagerly he bounded through the trees and into the clearing, landing lightly next to her. She turned to him, eyes roving over his face before lighting onto the package he now held out to her. She gave a sheepish grin before slamming a slender hand onto a – what is it? Half a large egg? – that had suddenly and unexpectedly gave out a loud "ding!" Moving slightly, she uncovered two white cups and handed one to him. He sniffed slightly – oh! It was the delicious smell.

Since it was his mate offering this food, he placed his meat parcel to the side near the fire so it could retain its warmth, and happily took one… Unfortunately, he couldn't figure out how to eat it. He looked up to see her eating away at her cup and gave out a soft whine. Lifting her eyes to him, she saw his dilemma. She put her cup down and took his, picking up the chopsticks that he hadn't noticed sitting on his knee. Then, she fed him.

Feeling quite content at the full feeling of the warm "_ra-men_" that she had fed him, he leaned back and watched her feed herself, amused at how she tried to eat so daintily. When she was done and had gathered together the trash for safe disposal, and when she had also finished preparing the meat to slowly cook until lunch – this pleased him immensely to see how she took good care of their territory - he crawled to her and rested his head on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her from behind, pulling her back to his chest, a soft rumbling in the back of his throat. It was a nice, comfortable feeling.

After a while she began to squirm in his arms and he released her, only to have her turn around and start tugging at his shirt. He felt immensely pleased, until he realized that she was looking at his wounded shoulder. It was mostly healed, and should be fully healed before night fell, but that didn't stop her from fussing over it, gently dabbing at the still somewhat raw cuts, cleaning, wrapping, until she couldn't find anything else to do. She then tried to pull his shirt back up which he balked at, tossing off both shirts behind him to land at the foot of the tree. Grumbling she stood up and started to pick up the shirts, but he pulled her to the ground, resting on them, content to nap the day away with her in his arms. She fidgeted at first, and so he licked her neck again to reassure her and after a moment she quieted and fell into a light sleep. Some hours later they woke up to eat the tender meat; this time he fed her as she sat almost sleepily in his lap where she spent the morning hours sleeping in and they relaxed again.

~

That evening as he sat with his mate, an arm wrapped around her waist, the both staring at the fire she had rekindled with the aid of some timber he had located for her, he reflected to himself – as best he could reflect – that he had never felt more content. The pain in his shoulder had long since dissipated, he never felt more relaxed, was certain that this was the most relaxed he had ever been in his whole life. An existence without pain or sorrow, an existence with the comfortable feeling of contentment, he knew that it was a new experience. 

He tiredly nuzzled the back of his mate's neck, content to only be near her and not mark her yet, though he couldn't help the little nips he gave the slender arc as he wished to do more. He rose his eyes to the sky – it was going to be a moonless night – and gave a content yawn. As he slipped, not quite into sleep exactly, but more into a tired trance, he thought, even if I fall back into oblivion, please don't let me forget.

And then, he sank into that grey mist.

~End part 2 – The youkai~

Well, as mentioned in the previous chapter, I'm trying on sticking out one chapter per day for three days of this story so I hope you enjoy. I better get back to work on my other fiction. 

Bleh, I didn't really like how this part turned out though – couldn't quite remember how I wanted it to go… I cut out the cave because I wanted them to be able to see the sky. I also noticed that I had this side of him progress from considering her an intended mate to full mate-hood (not a word) over the progress of they day… I guess he really liked her.

You know what I was just thinking? I had looked at my previous chapter and I thought "Man, I _stink_ at writing fight scenes," though come to think of it, there's only so much a wild youkai boar can do without it looking like something out of Sailor Moon (evil eyes, growing tongues – eww! That's a thought… ::shudders::)

~

* If you're wondering about the "markings" on her right wrist, it was just something that I thought of for no good reason other than I like the idea of different markings. There would be markings of protection, markings of possession, markings of mating or "adopted" kinship even. They go down her wrist in tiny half-circles in order of Inuyasha, Shippou's father, Shippou, and Kouga. I almost added Kirara (and possibly Sesshomaru) but Kirara, being more animalistic, would probably offer protection markings in a different manner, possibly based mostly on scent as felines like to mark with scent as well (their scent is comforting to them and gives them a sense of security so a scent mark in that manner could be a protection offering) and I didn't add Sesshomaru because I decided not to go that far down my "version" of the Inuyasha timeline that would eventually would have Sesshomaru place such a marking on her as a sign of a truce (all I'm saying about that.)

** Ooh! My first truly naughty, typed-out word. When I first typed it in, I was thinking strictly "female dog." In Japanese there are two different words for this one, one to refer a female dog and the other to refer to a woman… I was thinking of the dog, not the hussy.

1 hr 15 min, 10/08/2003 – Aw, Cheese Whiz, I had written down the start and stop time, but all I could remember after was how long it took, so I just wrote that instead.


	4. Who I am – ningen

Who I am 

~

an Inuyasha fanfiction

by

mkh2

~

One note: raised the rating to PG because of one naughty word in chapter 2, though in the context used it wasn't that bad.

~

_~Who I am~_

A love story in three parts:

The hanyou

The youkai

The ningen

~

Part 3: The ningen

~

            The first thing he was aware of was warmth – that and being completely enveloped in a comforting scent. A _familiar_ comforting scent. He slowly blinked his amber eyes open. Evening was falling, the last remnants of the sunset painting the sky in glorious red and gold hues. Shifting slightly, he realized that the warmth had a weight, and the weight had a name.

            "Kagome?"

            The girl in his arms stiffened and slowly turned to look at him, pulling back, making him wish he said nothing at all.

            "Inuyasha?" and she launched herself back into his arms.

            They sat for a moment before she pulled away and said, "Now, before the sun sets, would be a good time to get the Tetsusaiga. I tried telling you earlier but…" she trailed off and brushed her fingers over his face. "Just go get it."

            He opened his mouth to object then realized why. His senses were slowly dulling and he realized his youkai blood was draining out of him. It was the first night, the night of the new moon, and he would sit as a human under the moonless sky. Standing up, he quickly leapt up into the neighboring tree, pulled the Tetsusaiga free and settled back down next to her, slipping the Tetsusaiga back into its sheath. He patted the hilt, happy to see it back where it belonged and turned to look at her.

            He and Kagome sat silently as the darkness fell around them, and as it grew darker so did Inuyasha, the silver hair fading to black, the molten gold eyes taking on a lavender-brown hue. Fangs shrunk and claws were replaced with nails. The change was complete.

            He, Inuyasha, the hanyou, son of the great inu no taisho, was a man – a _ningen_, a lowly human.

            And he had never seen Kagome smile more sweetly at him.

            "I was wondering what would happen tonight." Her voice, smooth and soft with that special lilt in it fairly danced over his ears.

            "What do you mean?"

            "You've been in your youkai form since last night."

            The news shocked and disturbed him. He was at her side in an instant, eyes roaming over her body, scrutinizing every inch with their worried gaze and hands carefully checking her limbs, gently pressing here and there to see her reaction.

            "Did I hurt you?"

            "No, of course not – you were very gentle."

            Lavender eyes met soft brown ones. She smiled and then nodded to behind him.

            "I suggest you put your haori back on."

            Surprised, he looked down to see his bare chest, except for his right shoulder, which was covered in bandages. He pulled them off, revealing the smooth flesh underneath. Turning away, he pulled both the top and bottom layers on, trying to hide the flush that had risen to his cheeks as he realized that he had held her against his chest.

            "Are – are you angry with me?"

            Inuyasha stiffened and turned to look at her, Kagome, the girl her cared more than anything about, though he would rather hand over Tetsusaiga over to his brother than admit it anytime soon. Though… he looked at her face, squinting to see it with only the firelight for aid – weak human senses – he could just make out the beginning of tears glistening… and saying something along those lines was starting to sound like an awful good idea.

            "Why would you think that?" He crept along the ground, much the way he would in his hanyou form, and settled next to her. Awkwardly, he draped an arm around her shoulders; she stiffened for a moment before relaxing and leaning into him. He released a breath he hadn't known he was holding.

            "Aren't you upset? I didn't force you out of your youkai state as quickly as possible. We lost a day of traveling…and I let you run around without your shirt."

            "I ran around without my shirt?" He couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at that as he looked at the embarrassed girl in his arms.

            "Well, you didn't really run around, except for in the morning to hunt, but you didn't take your shirts off till after we both ate, and then you just stayed topless around here." The girl got, if anything, even redder, and he couldn't help but admire how sweet she looked like this in the firelight.

            "Well, that's okay – I've seen you topless and you've seen me topless."

            "Hey!" She pulled away and glared at him. "When did you see me topless?"

            He blushed slightly but, pulling her back into his arms, he replied, "That time you sat me off the cliff, or the time you and Sango both screamed bloody murder over some monkeys and Miroku and I stopped chatting to investigate… and then there was—"

            "Okay, okay, I get the picture… you forgot about the day we met Miroku when I hit you on the head with a rock."

            "That was no rock – that was a small boulder, and I didn't see anything!" Well, he did see… everything …not that he was gonna admit it (he tried his hardest to will the heat away from his face. Anyways, this arguing made him feel more comfortable; it reassured him that nothing had changed despite whatever had happened today – hopefully _nothing_ happened, but still…

            He sighed and dropped his head gently on her shoulder, only half listening as she ranted on at him about how he did _too_ see her naked that day (funny, wasn't she yelling just a minute ago about he couldn't have seen her naked?) when he noticed something on her neck. Something… he squinted and moved slightly closer.

            A faint red mark.

            Standing, he pulled her protesting figure over to the fire and, pushing her hair away from her neck, tugged her collar a bit further down to get a better look. There were small tooth marks all over her and… the faint scent of… him all over her. 

            "I though you said I didn't hurt you." Inuyasha looked up at her, worry and a little bit of fear – fear of her anger – in his eyes.

            "You didn't," she replied, straightening her shirt. "You were very… affectionate," she put it as delicately as she could.

            "What? Whaddya mean, '_affectionate?_'" He looked at her face closely, trying to make sure she told him the truth.

            A delicate flush crept back into her face. She pulled her arm out of his – he hadn't realized he was still holding it – and gently rubbed her neck, a somewhat far away look on her face.

            "You took care of me – got rid of the youkai first thing, then you decided you liked me and took care of me… at least, I think that's why you were nice. You licked me, and nuzzled and nipped at my neck – _gently_ – and you slept with me—"

            "_Slept with you?_" Inuyasha looked at her in horror, the blood draining out of his face.

            "Not like that! We, last night, I guess you were tired, after defeating that youkai, and having lost so much blood – you were injured, after all – and after licking me you just plopped the both of us on the ground and fell asleep. Then most of the day we took naps together. You know, when you weren't eating or being affectionate." She hoped that she didn't say anything else that might make him upset.

            He stared at her for a long moment before sighing. "Tomorrow you're going straight home."

            "Why!" she cried, startling the both of them. It was a strange thing, an action that from her was a rare occurrence, and one she hadn't done since the time she was forced home.

            "It's not for forever, it's just until it's completely gone." His eyes pleaded with her to understand and drop it; of course, nobody ever said Kagome was a mind reader.

            "Until what's gone?" Inuyasha fidgeted and lowered his gaze slightly.

            "The ones on your neck, and my scent – it's all over you."

            "Of course it's all over me – I was very close to you all day."

            "You didn't stop me from licking you? Or did you try?" Inuyasha glanced up at her.

            "Um, I mostly just let you, you weren't hurting me and I think it was your way—"

            "His."

            "Huh?"

            "His. My youkai half."

            "Aa. I see." She didn't. "It was his way of being friendly."

            "It was his way of – never mind. You said mostly?"

            "He did get a bit too aggressive, once, but when I pushed him off… I mean, away… he backed off and stuck to just licks and nips."

            Inuyasha sighed and flopped over backwards.

            "He was marking you." He peeked over at her and saw that she was waiting for him to continue. "As a… potential mate."

            "Oh." Kagome blinked thoughtfully and leaned back, glancing at the sky momentarily before looking back at him. "Is that all?"

            "Is that all?!" Inuyasha stared at her, aghast. "_Is that all?!?_ Kagome, I could have forced you into being my mate—"

            "But you didn't. I don't think you would have, not until I was ready," Kagome interrupted, saying so with the utmost sincerity.

            "How do you know?" Inuyasha started tugging at the loose threads on the Tetsusaiga's hilt out of sheer nervousness.

            "Because I know you, and you would never do anything to hurt me – not like that, and never on purpose. He's you, and you, whether you are the hanyou, the youkai, or the human will always be Inuyasha to me."

            Inuyasha stared for a minute feeling relief wash over him in a calming wave. He let out a soft sigh before moving to sit next to her again. 

            They sat like that together for most of the night when, as the sun came up, a thought occurred to him.

            "What do you mean, when you were ready?"

            She laughed.

            ~End part 3 – The ningen~

Well, here is the third and final chapter – hope you enjoyed. I'm thinking I'll add an epilogue… I mean, this last part suddenly struck me as very cute and I couldn't help but wonder what could be done to Inu-kun to make him squirm. I can't help it – I think he's adorable when he's embarrassed.

~

I'm guessing you people might be wondering why I never really made mention of Kagome's name in the last chapter. Inuyasha's mind as a youkai was only just sentient enough to recognize his own name, but other than that it was so animalistic that he only recognized her as a potential mate. 

Also you may notice that of the three chapters this one has the most speech/spoken word. As a youkai, so deeply into that mode he was, he was basically incapable of coherent speech, and as a hanyou, being somewhere in between human and youkai, he relies mostly on instinct. The majority of communication is done with actions and tone, so Inuyasha doesn't rely too much on speaking. When he does he uses only what is necessary (often true for my behavior – I'm lazy about talking and usually only say what is absolutely necessary), and it's often thought out, but quite often we see the side of him where, being impulsive and instinctual, will occasionally blurt things out without much thought, thus sticking his foot into his mouth. It's true that he's a bit brash and rather impulsive, but after "observing" him in both the manga and anime I have come to realize that he is actually very intelligent and often displays it in his long bouts of moodiness and falling into deep-thought. (Another thing – he can too read! He does it in Volume 3 Chapter 25 Page 25 of "The Man-Eating Mask" – he's obviously intelligent enough to read the book, even if he doesn't understand math… .) Whoo! What a happy vent.

~

7:44 p.m. – 9:13 p.m., 10/09/2003


	5. Who I am – Inuyasha

Who I am 

~

an Inuyasha fanfiction

by

mkh2

~

Two notes: raised the rating to PG because of one naughty word in chapter 2, though in the context used it wasn't that bad.

Also, I have two versions for this – one in both their views (mostly Kagome), and one in only Inuyasha's view. I'm going to post up Inuyasha's view with this story and the mostly Kagome view separately.

~

_~Who I am~_

~

Epilogue: I am Inuyasha

~

_            "He was marking you." He peeked over at her and saw that she was waiting for him to continue. "As a… potential mate."_

_            "Oh." Kagome blinked thoughtfully and leaned back, glancing at the sky momentarily before looking back at him. "Is that all?"_

_            "Is that all?!" Inuyasha stared at her, aghast. "_Is that all?!?_ Kagome, I could have forced you into being my mate—"_

_            "But you didn't. I don't think you would have, not until I was ready," Kagome interrupted, saying so with the utmost sincerity._

_            "How do you know?" Inuyasha started tugging at the loose threads on the Tetsusaiga's hilt out of sheer nervousness._

_            "Because I know you, and you would never do anything to hurt me – not like that, and never on purpose. He's you, and you, whether you are the hanyou, the youkai, or the human will always be Inuyasha to me."_

_            Inuyasha stared for a minute feeling relief wash over him in a calming wave. He let out a soft sigh before moving to sit next to her again. _

_            They sat like that together for most of the night when, as the sun came up, a thought occurred to him._

_            "What do you mean, when you were ready?"_

_            She laughed._

~

            "Ne, Kagome, what did you mean by it, huh, huh?" 

            They had been traveling for an hour now, searching for the shards, Inuyasha content enough with her answer to let her stay but not enough as to let it drop. Kagome, though, seemed to beginning to regret losing her chance to go home. 

            She sighed softly and glanced over at the twitching white puppy ears on his head, careful to avoid his gaze. She had been doing that all day – avoiding his gaze, he means. She'd look at his hair, or his nose, or his ears, but she seemed bound and determined to not look him in the eyes.

            Feh, like he'd let her get away with it.

            He realized, again, that he was walking closer to her – he couldn't help it… the slight alteration in her scent practically screamed at him to get as close to her as possible – and took half a step off to the side to make some room, while his will was strong enough to let him. Was it his fault that she smelled so good this morning? Well, only a little…

            Suddenly he realized with a start that she was running down the path. She ran at an incredible speed – for a human, that is – probably able to do so because she was unhindered by the heavy pack he carried on his back.

            Ah, but he was a hanyou…

            …and the inu-youkai in him loved a good chase.

            It was largely instinctual, chasing, but he had to remember that she was not his mate, and this was not her idea of foreplay (he blushed at the thought), but it was a way for her to put distance between them.

            _"…not until I was ready."_            

            Ooh! She just had too open her trap, didn't she?

            "Kagome! Kagome, get back here!" He was not going to let his instincts override his sensibilities. She had shown him that she had enough faith and trust in him and his honor and integrity.

            Aw, heck.

            With a few good, smooth bounds, he landed lightly in front of her and turned to watch her run into his chest. She stiffened for a moment before her shoulders slumped forward in defeat.

            That's right, Kagome, uh oh.

~

            "Inuyasha, put me down, put me down! I can walk, you know."

            "Yeah, I know, I've seen ya. I've seen ya run too."

            Inuyasha, to put it succinctly, was annoyed. More than a little annoyed, he felt angry – why would she run? He also felt a bit sad – did she not want to be near him? Maybe he did scare her off yesterday.

            Kagome sighed, tapping her fingers lightly on Inuyasha's back, one elbow pressed just above his shoulder blade. He had picked her up and slung her over his shoulder in huff, ignoring her protests and pinning his ears to his head. She shouldn't have run, she should have known he'd give chase – she had often teased him about being dog-like, especially after that wimpy wolf had got on his back about being a puppy, though at first she had tried to console him. He figured out soon enough that she liked his puppy-like qualities, even putting on a show, sometimes, about scratching his ears with his foot or shaking the water off. 

            …He also knew that she knew better than to run from a dog, as she had often warned her little brother, and occasionally Shippou, about meeting with stray dogs.

            _"Always hold your ground – unless if you realize you've intruded into it's territory, then back away slowly; never look it in the eye or bare your teeth at it; and above all – _don't run_."_

            Oh yeah, she knew, alright, but he couldn't figure out why she did it.

            He still felt a little excited.

            They walked for half an hour, her complaining and whining the whole time when she first tried to trick him into letting her down.

            "Please put me down? Inuyasha? I'm hungry…"

            "Get some chips out of your bag then."

            "You'll get crumbs in your hair."

            "Feh."

            What should he care? Even so, she pulled out the bag of chips, munching on them. He ignored the feeling of little crumbs falling in his hair, and had to work hard to stifle the pleased rumble that was building up in his chest as, after she finished her snack, she carefully removed any and all traces of the chip from the strands.

            Soon enough she started again.

            "Can we stop? I'm tired."

            "How can you be tired? I'm the one doing all the work."

            She was a silent for a moment – guess she realized she couldn't argue that point. Still, she seemed determined to get off as she quickly started in on her usual threat.

            "I'll say it, Inuyasha, I'll say the word!"

            "You really wanna risk breaking your legs under me?"

            She grew very quiet, obviously the thought of what would happen with half of her hanging on either side of him upon his being "sat" was unpleasant enough to quail her tongue.

            He continued walking, feeling somewhat hungry, but not willing to set her down. At first he barely noticed it. A small squirm here, a little twitch there, then she crossed her legs and squeezed as she made little disgruntled sounds somewhere behind him. Next thing he knew she was practically bouncing on his shoulder, an unpleasant feeling considering he was trying to keep the both of them balanced and the jarring effect her squirming was having on the shoulder straps biting into his other shoulder.

            "Would you knock it off?"

            "I can't help it… I have to go to the bathroom."

            Judging from how long she's been making those movements and sounds, and considering the fact that he hadn't noticed her using the bathroom even once since regaining his sentient mind, he could believe her.

            "Fine." Dropping her on the ground without ceremony, he watched, half amused as she sprang to her feet and practically flew at some bushes. After a moment he tossed the bag to her – she might need it – and sat to wait.

            ~

            Fifteen minutes. He sat there for fifteen minutes. Waiting. And waiting and waiting and waiting… What could possibly be taking her so long? Did she fall asleep or something? Maybe her zipper – whatever _that_ was – was stuck. She's mentioned such "embarrassing" things before.

            "Kagome…" Inuyasha called.

            He heard her sigh and after a minute she reentered the clearing, dragging her ridiculously large pack behind her.

            Standing, Inuyasha moved towards her. She quickly let go of her backpack, the large pack seeming to almost deflate where it sat, and stepped backwards, one hand clutching her stomach, the other held out in front of her.

            "No more, no more – I think my spleen is going to rupture."

            He froze. "What?"

            "I– I'll walk, I'll behave, just please, don't carry me like that… I think my stomach's gonna bruise." She rubbed her hand over her abdomen gingerly. Did it really hurt?

            He stared for a minute before, grabbing her bag, he sat down.

            "Well, it is lunch time…" Not to mention he felt a little sorry for her.

            "Yay! Fetch me some wood, would you?" and she set about setting up the stones, pot, water, and cups. He grumbled as he went to get the wood ("I'm not a dog! I don't 'fetch!'") and returned momentarily with the wood. She set up the fire and set the water to boil.

            Inuyasha sat close to her, his knee just brushing hers, watching her watching the pot. He had never sat this close before, not really, except for one time when they were supposed to be guarding the soul of a dead princess… he had entertained thoughts of romance, despite the rather morbid surroundings, but those were quickly quashed when she snapped at him about being scared and they argued… and he felt too ashamed after the meeting with Kikyo so soon after to pursue her again, at least for a while. If only he just kept quiet and kissed her instead of questioning why she was so close to him, or at least put his arm around her! Ah, regrets…

            It seems he wasn't the only one who could be so easily flustered. She scooted away.

            He followed.

            "Well?"

            She refused to look at him or answer him, preferring instead to stare at the slowly roiling water in the pot and chewing on her bottom lip. He wanted to chew on her bottom lip. Stop that! He decided to try a different approach.

            Poke, poke. Poke, poke.

            She was a soft cream. She turned a light pink, then rose, then bright cherry red. He admired her color-changing abilities. She giggled.

            Soon Inuyasha had tickled her into a little red, white, brown and green giggling heap on the forest floor, her breath coming in short gasps as she tried to stop her laughter.

            "I give! I give! Just… stop!"

            "Then tell me."

            Kagome's laughter died down and raised her eyes to his. Despite the fact that her laughter was making it hard for her to keep her mouth closed she still managed to pout. She didn't want to explain to him… Was she really so ashamed of what she had said? Or was it…

            Was it a mistake?

            He prayed it wasn't. He had wanted to be with her for so long, he couldn't remember when he had first started feeling these emotions welling up in his chest, readying to burst forth if he didn't keep tight reins on them.

            Naturally, he adored her scent – it really was a lie when he had said that her scent made him retch, and it was also a lie – not that he corrected it – when he said that Kikyo was more beautiful and more intelligent looking. Well, okay, maybe Kagome did have a sort of naïve look, but that was all the more appealing to him – even despite all the experience she had soon gained, she never lost that naivety and optimism, and he hoped she never would.

            She was his first friend, his best friend, the first to teach him to trust, the first he felt he could depend on. She believed in him, and he in her – though he wasn't too good with showing his faith in her (he found that one of the best ways to get her to try harder, work harder, was to make her mad – it worked with the archery, it worked with her shikon-detecting abilities, it worked with almost completely purifying Naraku {which made him glad that he had never pushed her that far} – and since it was easy to do, he preferred to stick with what he knew.) He wanted her to be with him always, and she had said she would, even when he was going to "break up with her", because he felt it was the right thing to do – he had hurt her much too much, and he never wanted to do that.

            Now, he wanted something more than that, and what she had said suggested to him that someday his hopes could be realized.

            _"…not until I was ready."_

            Isn't that what she meant? That maybe she wasn't ready now, but someday, someday she would be his mate?

            "Please?"

            She blinked up at him. He himself could hardly believe that he had said it – he was getting desperate, he had to know…

            "I wouldn't mind being your mate someday."

            Oh, no! He was wrong! She didn't mean—

            Hold it… she said what?

            "Ah… wha?"

            She giggled and reaching up started massaging his ear, starting at the tip and working down the base.

            If it was physically possible, she would be covered in a warm puddle of inu-hanyou goo right about now.

            "I said, I would like to be your mate someday, if you want me."

            Inuyasha lifted his molten gold gaze to hers and gave her a soft kiss on her forehead.

            "Someday," he agreed and kissed her on the mouth softly, more a whisper of a kiss than anything.

            They spent the rest of the day like that, in each other's arms.

            …

            Of course, they went back to their usual arguments the next morning. 

            "I need to head back home! I have tests! Homework! Obligations!"

            "You have obligations here too!"

            "Inuyasha, oswurai!"

            As Shippou would say, "Ah, nice weather."

            ~End Epilogue – I am Inuyasha~

The "nice weather" comment was when, after Inuyasha spent the night at Kagome's house, thereby making it hard for her to study and depriving her of her bed, they had headed back, and Kagome, tired and upset over her test, was really cranky. Naturally, it wouldn't be polite to drag it on, so he "changed" the subject by greeting with the standard comment on the weather.

~

No, Inuyasha was not being a pervert – he's still a bit hormonal (who wouldn't be at that age) but it's largely instinctual. Except for the fact that probably very few hanyou had managed to live to that age, he would probably have been looking for a mate for quite a while. Sesshoumaru might actually have one – there isn't that much known about him, but we can only assume – and even if he didn't it's probably because of his (insanely) high standards. Besides, being lord of the western lands is a full time responsibility. Shippou doesn't have a mate, despite being around fifty human years old, at least because, considering the kitsune developmental standards, he is still technically a pup. They're supposedly supposed to live to be 900 years old (I guess you get an extra tail per century or something starting at 100/200 because I've only heard of kitsune having up to nine tails and that is supposed to be a sign of age and power.)

Well, maybe he's a little perverted.

Don't look at me like I'm weird – I've loved looking into this sort of stuff since I was in fifth grade. I mean, when you're bored and there are some nice books on different forms of spirits, a book on werewolves and the like, and books on vampires, what's a fifth-grader to do? I especially liked the stories of were-kitsune (mostly Japanese legends, naturally), but one thing: you must be careful never to make and break a promise to a kitsune or you will have a lifelong, and very dangerous, enemy. I don't think I've ever seen Kagome actually make a promise to Shippou bigger than "I'll bring you a lolly." However, if you were lucky enough to save a kitsune, you'll have a lifelong friend.

~

1 and ½ hours.


End file.
